So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just high enough for therapy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
