??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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