i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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