I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
