glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
