just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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