I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Welp...herpes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
