Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
