I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think your dad took our porno
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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