Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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