oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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