what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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