my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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