I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We are all done wearing pants today
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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