3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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