Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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