I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
