There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
