either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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