Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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