My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
