He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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