A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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