this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
