I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
