Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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