Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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