He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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