I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
