all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
