I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
