i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
