I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
