my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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