I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
