upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
