she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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