I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
