sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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