Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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