So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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