dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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