I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
