Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
