U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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