**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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