Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
