youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
