i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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