i will never coherently bang her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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