I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I supernannyed him into submission
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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