He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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