i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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