Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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