3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
