Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
