a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
