I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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