he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
