so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
