I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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