Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
