I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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