I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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