i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
