I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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