I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
