it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Be still, my beating vagina.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
