I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
