i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
