you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
