so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
