I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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