Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
