Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
