are you still at the devil's house?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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